Burgundy Hat- ACCESSORIZE/ Blue Print Dress- TOPSHOP/ Bag- ACCESSORIZE /Purple Tights- NEW LOOK / Black Boots- NEW LOOK/ Scarf- ACCESSORIZE/ Black Blazer- NEW LOOK
Anyway, as your aware if you've been viewing my recent posts, I have become ever so smiley in public locations. This is a huge step for my self confidence, I have also been posing quite naturally and my photos are starting to look more relaxed. For myself as a blogger, to reflect upon this progress is tremendously rewarding. As an anxiety sufferer since the tender age of fifteen, I have been battling agoraphobia, which is the fear of being in public. I always felt like everyone was staring and judging me to the point where I left all of my friends and shut myself off from the world.
Its hard to quite understand what was going on at the time but to think back to when I was at my lowest I can only summarise it as being some kind of body dysmorphia. I wasn't fully diagnosed with anything so for a sufferer the hypochondria anxiety increased. I always felt too pale, my nose was too big, I had a huge head, my arms were too skinny. Overall I didn't feel beautiful or comfortable in my own skin, I didn't feel like I fitted in with all the pretty girls at school. I used fashion to create characters I could use to help me through it, thats probably why in 2011- 2012 my personal style was all over the place. I even used to copy celebrities or fellow bloggers to try and distract myself from my own insecurities. I mean they are normal every person has them, but for them to be so overwhelming to the point where they lock you up in your own room. Restrict you from normal social behaviour that you should be doing at your age, is when you need to get help.
After years of therapy the only way I combatted this social phobia was to face it, jump right into the deep end. I took my camera and my tripod and starting taking photos, a kind of photo therapy I guess. Since 2011 I have been blogging and I've focussed on it ever since, put my heart and soul into something positive. Of course you'll have days where you worry constantly, but always look ahead and make a plan or goals to attain. Don't let anxiety or any mental illness take over your body, you are in control of your life and you can dramatically change it with time, nothing is at a click of the fingers. Patience and your future prospects will be brighter, trust me.
Lots of love,